"I've sure gotten old! I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement,
New knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes.
I'm half blind,but I wear glasses,
Can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine,
Take 40 different medications that
Make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts.
Have bouts with dementia ..
Have poor circulation;
Hardly feel my hands and feet anymore.
Can't remember if I'm 89 or 98.
Have lost all my friends. But, thank God,
I still have my driver's license." Ain't life grand?
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
The women’s mystique has been exposed,again!
Why Women take so long in the Bathroom, another mystery in life is answered and likely will raise no further questions .Besides, do you really need to know so much? The women’s mystique has been exposed, that should be enough in humble opinion!
*if you find this offends you all, I am sorry I am sure, I didn’t write it, I am sharing this, because its funny, not if your in pain of eliminating a full water bottle and you are doing a happy dance in front of the washroom door and singing “please hurry, please hurry” .
Once a upon a time; When you have to visit a public bathroom, you usually find a line of women, so you smile politely and take your place. Once it's your turn, you check for feet under the stall doors. Every stall is occupied.
Finally, a door opens and you dash in, nearly knocking down the woman leaving the stall.
You get in to find the door won't latch. It doesn't matter, the wait has been so long you are about to wet your pants! The dispenser for the modern 'seat covers' (invented by someone's Mom, no doubt) is handy, but empty.
You would hang your purse on the door hook, if there was one, but there isn't - so you carefully, but quickly drape it around your neck, (Mom would turn over in her grave if you put it on the FLOOR! ), yank down your pants, and assume ' The Stance.'
In this position your aging, toneless thigh muscles begin to shake. You'd love to sit down, but you certainly hadn't taken time to wipe the seat or lay toilet paper on it, so you hold 'The Stance.'
To take your mind off your trembling thighs, you reach for what you discover to be the empty toilet paper dispenser. In your mind, you can hear your mother's voice saying, 'Honey, if you had tried to clean the seat, you would have KNOWN there was no toilet paper!' Your thighs shake more.
You remember the tiny tissue that you blew your nose on yesterday - the one that's still in your purse. (Oh yeah, the purse around your neck, that now, you have to hold up trying not to strangle yourself at the same time). That would have to do. You crumple it in the puffiest way possible. It's still smaller than your thumbnail
Someone pushes your door open because the latch doesn't work. The door hits your purse, which is hanging around your neck in front of your chest, and you and your purse topples backward against the tank of the toilet. 'Occupied!' you scream, as you reach for the door, dropping your precious, tiny, crumpled tissue in a puddle on the floor, lose your footing altogether, and slide down directly onto the TOILET SEAT .
It is wet of course. You bolt up, knowing all too well that it's too late. Your bare bottom has made contact with every imaginable germ and life form on the uncovered seat because YOU never laid down toilet paper - not that there was any, even if you had taken time to try.
You know that your mother would be utterly appalled if she knew, because, you're certain her bare bottom never touched a public toilet seat because, frankly, dear, 'You just don't KNOW what kind of diseases you could get.'
By this time, the automatic sensor on the back of the toilet is so confused that it flushes, propelling a stream of water like a fire hose against the inside of the bowl that sprays a fine mist of water that covers your butt and runs down your legs and into your shoes. The flush somehow sucks everything down with such force that you grab onto the empty toilet paper dispenser for fear of being dragged in too.
At this point, you give up. You're soaked by the spewing water and the wet toilet seat. You're exhausted. You try to wipe with a gum wrapper you found in your pocket and then slink out inconspicuously to the sinks.
You can't figure out how to operate the faucets with the automatic sensors, so you wipe your hands with spit and a dry paper towel and walk past the line of women still waiting.
You are no longer able to smile politely to them. A kind soul at the very end of the line points out a piece of toilet paper trailing from your shoe. (Where was that when you NEEDED it??) You yank the paper from your shoe, plunk it in the woman's hand and tell her warmly, 'Here, you just might need this.'
As you exit, you spot your hubby, who has long since entered, used, and left the men's restroom. Annoyed, he asks, 'What took you so long, and why is your purse hanging around your neck?'
This is dedicated to women everywhere who deal with a public restrooms (rest??? you've GOT to be kidding!!). It finally explains to the men what really does take us so long. It also answers their other commonly asked questions about why women go to the restroom in pairs.
It's so the other gal can hold the door, hang onto your purse and hand you Kleenex under the door! AMEN TO THAT!
This HAD to be written by a woman! No one else could describe it so accurately!
Send this to all women that need a good laugh AND, don't forget to have a mammogram!!!!!! It could save your life!
A Friend Is Like A Good Bra...
Hard to Find
Supportive
Comfortable
Always Lifts You Up
Never Lets You Down or Leaves You Hanging
And Is Always Close To Your Heart!!!
Share this with a friend
*if you find this offends you all, I am sorry I am sure, I didn’t write it, I am sharing this, because its funny, not if your in pain of eliminating a full water bottle and you are doing a happy dance in front of the washroom door and singing “please hurry, please hurry” .
Once a upon a time; When you have to visit a public bathroom, you usually find a line of women, so you smile politely and take your place. Once it's your turn, you check for feet under the stall doors. Every stall is occupied.
Finally, a door opens and you dash in, nearly knocking down the woman leaving the stall.
You get in to find the door won't latch. It doesn't matter, the wait has been so long you are about to wet your pants! The dispenser for the modern 'seat covers' (invented by someone's Mom, no doubt) is handy, but empty.
You would hang your purse on the door hook, if there was one, but there isn't - so you carefully, but quickly drape it around your neck, (Mom would turn over in her grave if you put it on the FLOOR! ), yank down your pants, and assume ' The Stance.'
In this position your aging, toneless thigh muscles begin to shake. You'd love to sit down, but you certainly hadn't taken time to wipe the seat or lay toilet paper on it, so you hold 'The Stance.'
To take your mind off your trembling thighs, you reach for what you discover to be the empty toilet paper dispenser. In your mind, you can hear your mother's voice saying, 'Honey, if you had tried to clean the seat, you would have KNOWN there was no toilet paper!' Your thighs shake more.
You remember the tiny tissue that you blew your nose on yesterday - the one that's still in your purse. (Oh yeah, the purse around your neck, that now, you have to hold up trying not to strangle yourself at the same time). That would have to do. You crumple it in the puffiest way possible. It's still smaller than your thumbnail
Someone pushes your door open because the latch doesn't work. The door hits your purse, which is hanging around your neck in front of your chest, and you and your purse topples backward against the tank of the toilet. 'Occupied!' you scream, as you reach for the door, dropping your precious, tiny, crumpled tissue in a puddle on the floor, lose your footing altogether, and slide down directly onto the TOILET SEAT .
It is wet of course. You bolt up, knowing all too well that it's too late. Your bare bottom has made contact with every imaginable germ and life form on the uncovered seat because YOU never laid down toilet paper - not that there was any, even if you had taken time to try.
You know that your mother would be utterly appalled if she knew, because, you're certain her bare bottom never touched a public toilet seat because, frankly, dear, 'You just don't KNOW what kind of diseases you could get.'
By this time, the automatic sensor on the back of the toilet is so confused that it flushes, propelling a stream of water like a fire hose against the inside of the bowl that sprays a fine mist of water that covers your butt and runs down your legs and into your shoes. The flush somehow sucks everything down with such force that you grab onto the empty toilet paper dispenser for fear of being dragged in too.
At this point, you give up. You're soaked by the spewing water and the wet toilet seat. You're exhausted. You try to wipe with a gum wrapper you found in your pocket and then slink out inconspicuously to the sinks.
You can't figure out how to operate the faucets with the automatic sensors, so you wipe your hands with spit and a dry paper towel and walk past the line of women still waiting.
You are no longer able to smile politely to them. A kind soul at the very end of the line points out a piece of toilet paper trailing from your shoe. (Where was that when you NEEDED it??) You yank the paper from your shoe, plunk it in the woman's hand and tell her warmly, 'Here, you just might need this.'
As you exit, you spot your hubby, who has long since entered, used, and left the men's restroom. Annoyed, he asks, 'What took you so long, and why is your purse hanging around your neck?'
This is dedicated to women everywhere who deal with a public restrooms (rest??? you've GOT to be kidding!!). It finally explains to the men what really does take us so long. It also answers their other commonly asked questions about why women go to the restroom in pairs.
It's so the other gal can hold the door, hang onto your purse and hand you Kleenex under the door! AMEN TO THAT!
This HAD to be written by a woman! No one else could describe it so accurately!
Send this to all women that need a good laugh AND, don't forget to have a mammogram!!!!!! It could save your life!
A Friend Is Like A Good Bra...
Hard to Find
Supportive
Comfortable
Always Lifts You Up
Never Lets You Down or Leaves You Hanging
And Is Always Close To Your Heart!!!
Share this with a friend
Sunday, December 6, 2009
I found Religion building the Kids playset!
Sunday, May 03, 2009
In any case another true story written to the playset company to say what a pain in the nutz this was!!.Not all company's tell you how long it will take or how smart you have to be,one thing for sure you learn is how much tolerance you have for pain.
Anyway they should say,"it will take you 6 beers to read and assembly this appartus,per day,per each helper" believe me,this will not take away from the technical guist of the instructions and someone that can read would help.
Hello folks (ladies and gentlemen):
I, thought I would write you people and tell you about your play set I, fortunately now own and purchased from Walmart. The old adage says; “if you have kids, they need a play set”.
The reason we purchased this play set is because my wife and I are raising up our 3 grandkids and we took custody of the little beavers, rather than them go to foster care..
Having, said that, I did willing buy this apparatus from Walmart of my own free will and only because of the cost (which was well priced, in my humble opinion), after opening the kit I should have return the bits and pieces and been done with it. They looked a little thin for vigorous use.You get what you pay for.(so don't buy it).
But, of course you made it very clear in your instruction manual, in the form of a disclaimer, which amounts to “covering your ass with paper”. I guess you are obliged to do this with the amount of people looking to sue you at the drop of the hat.
But, the grandkids were so excited about having this equipment; it would make me feel like a shit heel if I returned it. The youngest one is 2 years old and I really can’t visualize this play set in action, but they did the inventory and announced its all here and when can we play on It.?
Folks, even with an adult helping me, (really wasn’t), because I had to redo what we screwed up afterwards, it took me 4 days to finish. The days went by quickly and the grandkids were on site offering help and encouragement and taking off with the tools.
Thank goodness the manual was well laid out and in a logical sequence which makes we think this was done a female engineer that already knew what was going to happen.*(there is a reason this job sheet is numbered) I found religion on this assembly, because I have the patience of Job and Wisdom of Solomon (meaning, I wouldn’t be doing this again for a long time or any time………..soon).
I asked the helper to help someone else, the grandkids were the sole helpers with me and their Nana was there at times, I never muttered any cuss words…out loud, that is and we finished on Sunday.
We wanted to thank you for the opportunity to do things to-gether and I am sure that the kids will enjoy playing on it as much as they did helping out. Now, I am missing a few screws,nuts and bolts, but that’s ok, because I am still finding the ones the beavers had thrown around in the yard.
Again, thank you, I would only recommend this to people whom are technically inclined and have a sense of imagination that will defy anything this play set can throw at them, because it will certainly test your limits. And that’s a good thing, sometimes, but not always….Amen.
Thank you for your time,
Bob, the builder and the 3 beavers as the helpers
“It takes a lot of courage to release the familiar and seemingly secure, to embrace the new. But there is no real security in what is no longer meaningful.There is more security in the adventurous and exciting, for in movement there is life, and in change there is power,also the beginning of wisdom is to desire it"." Life is full of mysteries and unanswered questions,what you do about it,will prove how curious you are about finding out. “It takes a lot of courage to release the familiar and seemingly.............you can guess the rest?.
This Should be a warning for all kit builders..."a certain age of wisdom is required and you should have taken a trades course in school and passed,you should be able to read and measure,you should ask for help and if you can't do it....thats too bad for you alls.
P.S I would to include this added note now that we have had the play set for over a year,its a piece of shit and I wouldn't advise you all in buying it.I bought it at Walmart and I should bought the playset from the Beaver (Canadian eh) store for a few dollars more,it had real wood from Canada in it.
P.S.: 2012; we have dismantled this playset because the bolts holding it were rusting from the inside and begining to shrink in diameter. So,in 5 years this set would have begun to fall apart and thats what the life expentency is.??.,so check your sets out,they even tell you that in the set of instructions. aka (shit happens)
In any case another true story written to the playset company to say what a pain in the nutz this was!!.Not all company's tell you how long it will take or how smart you have to be,one thing for sure you learn is how much tolerance you have for pain.
Anyway they should say,"it will take you 6 beers to read and assembly this appartus,per day,per each helper" believe me,this will not take away from the technical guist of the instructions and someone that can read would help.
Hello folks (ladies and gentlemen):
I, thought I would write you people and tell you about your play set I, fortunately now own and purchased from Walmart. The old adage says; “if you have kids, they need a play set”.
The reason we purchased this play set is because my wife and I are raising up our 3 grandkids and we took custody of the little beavers, rather than them go to foster care..
Having, said that, I did willing buy this apparatus from Walmart of my own free will and only because of the cost (which was well priced, in my humble opinion), after opening the kit I should have return the bits and pieces and been done with it. They looked a little thin for vigorous use.You get what you pay for.(so don't buy it).
But, of course you made it very clear in your instruction manual, in the form of a disclaimer, which amounts to “covering your ass with paper”. I guess you are obliged to do this with the amount of people looking to sue you at the drop of the hat.
But, the grandkids were so excited about having this equipment; it would make me feel like a shit heel if I returned it. The youngest one is 2 years old and I really can’t visualize this play set in action, but they did the inventory and announced its all here and when can we play on It.?
Folks, even with an adult helping me, (really wasn’t), because I had to redo what we screwed up afterwards, it took me 4 days to finish. The days went by quickly and the grandkids were on site offering help and encouragement and taking off with the tools.
Thank goodness the manual was well laid out and in a logical sequence which makes we think this was done a female engineer that already knew what was going to happen.*(there is a reason this job sheet is numbered) I found religion on this assembly, because I have the patience of Job and Wisdom of Solomon (meaning, I wouldn’t be doing this again for a long time or any time………..soon).
I asked the helper to help someone else, the grandkids were the sole helpers with me and their Nana was there at times, I never muttered any cuss words…out loud, that is and we finished on Sunday.
We wanted to thank you for the opportunity to do things to-gether and I am sure that the kids will enjoy playing on it as much as they did helping out. Now, I am missing a few screws,nuts and bolts, but that’s ok, because I am still finding the ones the beavers had thrown around in the yard.
Again, thank you, I would only recommend this to people whom are technically inclined and have a sense of imagination that will defy anything this play set can throw at them, because it will certainly test your limits. And that’s a good thing, sometimes, but not always….Amen.
Thank you for your time,
Bob, the builder and the 3 beavers as the helpers
“It takes a lot of courage to release the familiar and seemingly secure, to embrace the new. But there is no real security in what is no longer meaningful.There is more security in the adventurous and exciting, for in movement there is life, and in change there is power,also the beginning of wisdom is to desire it"." Life is full of mysteries and unanswered questions,what you do about it,will prove how curious you are about finding out. “It takes a lot of courage to release the familiar and seemingly.............you can guess the rest?.
This Should be a warning for all kit builders..."a certain age of wisdom is required and you should have taken a trades course in school and passed,you should be able to read and measure,you should ask for help and if you can't do it....thats too bad for you alls.
P.S I would to include this added note now that we have had the play set for over a year,its a piece of shit and I wouldn't advise you all in buying it.I bought it at Walmart and I should bought the playset from the Beaver (Canadian eh) store for a few dollars more,it had real wood from Canada in it.
P.S.: 2012; we have dismantled this playset because the bolts holding it were rusting from the inside and begining to shrink in diameter. So,in 5 years this set would have begun to fall apart and thats what the life expentency is.??.,so check your sets out,they even tell you that in the set of instructions. aka (shit happens)
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