Why don’t I write to paper anymore?

Bob is a long time acquaintance from our former glory days of youth. We have known and wizened ourselves from the school of Hard Knocks n Bumps, our diplomas of merit are near??. He looks like a professor of Diplomas etuis’ Emeritus quo sancta humanae and speaks as such..


My Friend Bob asked me one day why don’t I write to paper anymore. Bob, I, said, its like this, there is so much to write about that the local paper scarcely does its job as it is. For me to write them and criticize or inform them of the social injustices that be fall us would be over whelming. We both can articulate on anything from the idiots on council, the overpriced rec centre, the wasted treatment plant, to the mundane.


But, you can’t write about it as the newspaper and the city hall siesta together and indeed make strange bed fellows and that’s is all that I am going to say, unless asked for further opinions. The audacious squeaks that emit when THEY walk are not from their shoes.(in my humble opinion).


That’s why THEY have to censor most of the news that is local to us readers. THEY in fact don’t care about too much what happens in the community as long as its big news. For example the” exclusion of the Lord’s Pray at council meetings”, maybe. To me that should have had more coverage than it did.


You can blame the people that don’t care as long as THEIR right to know what is going on is expressed in a clear and transparent manner. What bullshit, the government of the day can’t do that and we the little people demand this of our city bureaucrats. Hey-now, social equality lives.!, so it does.

(their are numerous idiot’s on council, but one female in particular which is anti-creed),thought it was “exclusive” of certain peoples rights to say a opening prayer. Well, THESE people didn’t care one way or the other, THEY never mentioned it.

 Having nothing more intelligent to do with THEIR time, THEY decided to jump on the “spiritual” bandwagon and make a commotion.(two of a kind spells danger.)

I offer no apology towards this person because she is just doing her job and I am doing mine, madam, you are an idiot, the best I have ever seen. You are a “LULU”. Your justification for intelligence escapes me. Bullshit will baffle brains and common sense, when applied in a substantial portion of deceitfulness.


There was so much to do about this that even writing and asking to reconsider was considered as an act of defiance, I just want the prayer to be said as usual and THOSE whom are insulted can leave and return when it’s over. Hell, if you went to THOSE other spiritual places do you think THEY quit saying their prayers because you all were “exclusive” , hell no,!! either like it or get outta de mosque.

Well, you know the results, the idiots have caved in, to the other idiots all in the name of being political correct, bullshit again. And if you dare raise this subject, all the prime and proper, get pissed.


Folks, my mother-in-law, Summed this best “its all going to hell in a hand basket”. All the people that made this country what it is, must be turning in their graves, because of so called intelligent people. The reason you were elected to office is, a better chance of us , to “tar n feather” if you did a piss poor job.


Did I mention that I wasn’t from here.!!? This is why Bob, I don’t write to the paper.!!, THEY, can’t print this. This is too, exclusive.!! As I am only picking on one or two idiots, better I slander the whole council and make it worth my while, maybe fresh fodder for the newspaper.



Your friend in your debt, lets us pray,

May the idiots we entrusted power to, may they see the errors of their ways and when it comes to elect them again, I won’t . Amen.

And no, folks, I am not a red necked bigot, in case you were wondering, and I did mention that I wasn’t from here. And to close, if this has offended anyone, if any of you (aka THEY) resemble the said subjects of my rant, I am apologetic, the truth bites just as sure as a junkyard dog at midnight.

Good nite Bob,



Its frosting some people.



I have to sell the Beemer.

Back in the saddle again.

Dear Joe;


I got to tell you all some bad news, I sure I have to sell the Beemer. Yep, I decided that I am not able to muscle the bike around like I used to. As a matter of fact the bike damn near fell on me.

I was moving it out of the shed and that’s when all the excitement began to happen. I took it off the center stand and then it wanted to lean one way and I over compensated and pulled it back and almost got pinned parallel to the wall.

Holy moly I prayed to myself, well the words were stronger than that. I, thought for sure I was going to be the new unlucky objet d'art in the shed. Well, I did my best summing of strength and some deep breathing, (huffing’ n puffin’) and I was able to get the bike back on its center. The tires need more air, so it did what it wanted.

And to make matters worst, I still needed this bike outside the shed on the grass. Another struggle and I had to stop for a pint of malted beverage to restore my dignity and strength.

Well, after I struggled with it I got it out and then I stopped for a moment and fulfilled my next move, while I was working on the project at hand.

So, to-day I went to the shop and made the arrangements and I am going to get not think about it or I am going end up crying in my drink, I don’t like salty rye and ginger, much, but you know you could have a least a couple to see if ….. ,.idiot.!!!!!!!.

So, any way I will continue this later, because it ain’t over yet and the “fat lady” has yet to sing. Man, tell you what, this pint, (I mix my drinks out to be a pint, generous pint, sure tastes “gooooood-”, I wonder what the neighbors are doing to-day?. Does your grass need cutting,…??.,hey, are you busy right now??.

Is there any justice left in the world?, am I so bad that I have to start losing my toys?, shit.!!. don’t answer that, I already know. No, one gives a flying shit, but me.!! Amen.

p.s. and no, Joe, you can’t buy it.!!. ‘cause I want a million dollars.!!

p.s. again: I, have thought this over and my son said I should get the bike on the road and he would help to ride it for me, now ain’t that a sweet kind of guy.!!. So, forget the letter I am riding again, as in “throw the saddle on the stove, we are riding the range tonight”.


 Later,Joe !!


reconnecting with the spirit in the sky



Do you want a drink of rum? the adventure continues Part 2.

Preamble: another true story from the far side. I was invited to visit my brothers-in-law aka: “duh dynamic duo” in the place called Needles CA near the Colorado River. The first adventure here for me was, I have been offered a cold beer and not getting one and instead I drank my own warm beer.

I have written about this in the blog so just look around and you will find it and when you have finished that story, this story will have the same background to it. I can’t speak for the “duo” but I am learning a lesson here, whatever its to be, maybe a mystery decoded in life.

* I have included this story (warm beer) at the end of this story,so you can read it here.So,maybe you should go ahead and get yourself a beverage and savour it as you read.

Personal opinion: there are unanswered questions in life that some people call mysteries and don’t think another thing about it. Later for some unknown raison d'être this mystery bites them in the ass and now the question arises w.t.f. is going on.

This episode in my life is one of those moments. I feel (unproven for now) that I did something to someone that was nasty and this ladies and gentlemen is payback time.

Of sure you say its not true, well you might be right but, I have evidence that to me, proves maybe shit happens for a reason as stated above. But, that is another story.

The warm beer experience is over and I promised, not to mention it again as long as I was there and I didn’t, but the consequence of that will be carried forward.

Later in the week, I go over again and we are going to see some sights and then we came back and had a spot of munchies, COLD BEER for me to start. Tell you what, that sure was good and it hit the spot as I smacked my lips and growled. (full moon in effect).

Do you want a drink of rum, I am hearing things, but I ask what’z dat you say?. Do you want a drink of rum, I have some here, yes sir, please that be mighty fine of you all. I get another beer, because guess what, “there ain’t no rum cumin’”.

It must be carry out or go git it yourself or you gotta go to the bar and order it and it gets delivered after you pay for it and leave a tip and forwarding address to get it. That, is about the same time it takes in a real bar I have found. How busy can it be?. My humble apologies to the maître d'hôtel diligent.

So, another beer is opened, these are my beers left here to chill, should I came by this way and want a drink. Still, no rum and I am offered it again and I say please and thank you, damn kind of you. I keep drinking the beer because the first rum ain’t showed up. I ain’t coming back to this bar any time soon.

But in the mean time a bottle of rye shows up and its offered around. No name that I can recall so I ask if I can sniff it and a small taste without mix first?. Its a nice auburn color and it pours neatly and its smell is like a vodka?. Well, the plus side its 3 years old and that seems to be good enough for some people.

Finished my beer and I get brave and say “ where is the that rum you all been offering”?. Reluctantly, it seems “the ½ of the duo” goes and brings it back and plunks in front of me. I guess I mix it up myself and slug away at it. No coke, just diet Pepsi, warm and ice cubes in the fridge, lumped together in a pile.


Yes, roughing it in a desert bar is sure an experience, I want to share anyone the wants to read it. My advice stick to the beer, drink with your back against the wall, your hand on your pistol and watch your horse. Amen.

The Warm Beer Story

Preamble:” This is a true story, because I was drinking warm beer and my brothers-in-law- seemed to think it was funny. ill humored….? I am writing because it is funny, no, I like to write.

Caution: what you are about to read is the truth,no names have been changed nor pictures altered and if I have made any errors, so, I didn't say I could write.!!.Its meant to be funny,so don't get your fur all up in curls,please,it makes you look funny. As I was saying,.....................> and one of the duo claims it wasn't him.???,ok lets say I believe you, but I am still writing the story.There is no shame in the truth.



I went to visit duh dynamic duo at their residence in Needles and arrived late, I was advised to provide my own beer? That’s what I think, because when I go there I can chill my beer and have a cold one of theirs.? Why, Don’t know, but keep reading, it gets better.


So, I go there and I am asked “would you like a cold beer” and I say yes, please, but no cold beer is forth coming. Piss on this and I get a warm one from my pack and begin to drink it because I am so dehydrated I can hardly croak. Maybe it was self serve? ,I, never asked, never mentioned.

Personal Opinion: consuming or any discussion of drinking beer warm should be illegal..!!” .




"yep,there they be."



I, do digress, sorry, Anyway I am almost finished that 1st beer and no cold beer in sight. I am thinking the dynamic duo are bona fide meat heads and are they playing hockey with my head. Or I am hearing things. So, again I opened another warm beer and begin to drink and you know this is starting to taste very good. It’s a taste that can grow on you…slowly.

* a recent hearing test has concluded that I am a good to go for a pair of matching hearing aids,as if I want to hear more shit that I ignore daily.( its thinking time).

And again I am asked, “would you like a cold beer and I say yes, please, as I sip the 2nd warm beer in my hands. It must be Groundhog Day in this place because I feel like an idiot and I still don’t have a cold beer to drink and its still been offered.. Must be the lukewarm beer, or an echo or delayed reaction.



Maybe it’s a self serve place. ,I, never asked, “holy”, I am starting to repeat myself, it must be ground hog day in play, this is too weird. I am losing it here, time to leave??. Two latté!.

I know this: I, don’t have a cold beer, I keep been asked if I want one?, I don’t get one.?. Area 51, alien invasion, or I am dreaming in California.? I, am really, really, hearing things.!

Conclusion: So, I, am to assume duh dynamic duo are dreadful hosts. Yes.

Also, will I just keep drinking the warm beer and enjoy the company of myself ?, Yes.

And will I go outside and have a piss in the bush and be done with it? Yes, of course, is the answer.

And, I could tell them from now on, you two guys will not be offered a cold or lukewarm beer in my home, Nada-beer!! ,unless you bring it yourself.?. Yes, sir,. The consequences.. that solves a lot of problems in my mind.



And, then I left, several beers there for them enjoy, warm of course and I took the rest back to my motel to cool off in my fridge and when I ask myself, hey, ” Bruce, would you like a cold one”, I can answer “yes” and get one or two whenever I want and no waiting or hassles!!.

p.s. I told them I would be writing about this,because you can tell them a mile away,but up close you can't tell anything.!!!!

Makes you value your cat more and more everyday,now don't it?? !! .

Stay tuned for more far sided adventures when I am asked, do I want a drink of rum............?? rum.