The Cabin Fever Rant n Rave.

The Cabin Fever Rant n Rave.

Dear Joe:

Today, I am getting some cabin fever. Not that the winter has been too long, it’s just I not getting into it this year. As you know my wife and I are raising our ten year old grandson and he is getting smarter by the day as I seem to be going in the opposite direction. The wife is not having this problem. Why is that?

Gravity is the answer. I am on the slippery slope and seem to be picking up speed. That is scary. Yes, I have turned a milestone year in my life according to the experts in the Family. I was always blessed with a lot of smart people in my life aka “know-it-alls”. So, you know you are automatically stupid as soon as they are in our house.

I usually call it our Home, but they quickly reduce this to a house and I want them out-ta my house. Furthermore as much as I try to love them, I don’t like them. Know, whom I am speaking about? The, pain-in-da-butts, but that is not nearly an accurate description.

Shit, they have an opinion about everything including my recent operation to “parts unknown” and they know all about it. How in the hell did you find all this out? I have not said a word other than it was a “mannish problem”. Well, if they got paid for all this knowledge and shared that with me, I would be well off and a free man.

Next, I don’t want all the advice, I rather learn on the run. And, assuming they never had, what I had, I don’t want to know what the worst case scenario might look like. That is scary enough knowing they know, what I don’t know, you know?

What’s, worst, they think I am the salt of the earth and they love me and profess this to me constantly. Wtf, am I doing wrong? I treat them nicely because I don’t to embarrass the Family and this makes me a saint. “They”, say Karma pay-back is a bitch. Seems, I need to examine my soul and find out where on the road I fell off.

Well, its ten o’clock somewhere, I need to have some red wine, which I keep hid behind the computer monitor, camouflaged  and I drink this from a 500 mL chili sauce jar ; will that will throw them off? Aka, why is poppa so happy?

So, what the hell was I talking about? Another sip of the golden nectar will surely make me recall. You have noticed that I have successfully rambled on about nothing and you have learned that growing older gracefully can’t happen to everyone.  Everybody is nutsy and you tell them that and they laugh. I, guess they know already.

Sorry, I better close off before this becomes well-worn. I have just aged to the 70 year plateau, which means goose egg to me, but everyone else is celebrating. I always thought they were nuts and this proves my case. Well, thanks for enduring this and you should be on your second 500 ml jar half-full of wine by now.

Thanks for fixing the snow blower, be sure to drop in soon and we can have some distilled mosquito bite to ward off the cold.

Yours humble-bull-lee,

 Bruce

The Boy Scout at the Beer store.

Hi Joe;

Are you enjoying the wonderful weather we are having.? I sure am and as luck would have it I had to go the beer store for …..??. Luckily, I had empties other wise I would not buy what I should have. Women, would love the beer store, every thing is on sale and there are specials all the time. No coupons.!

You are not going to believe my luck to-day, the boy scout had an opportunity to help a damsel in the parking lot.., this is almost the same thing that happened at the Corner Tire store where a lady was trying to stuff her cute little car with a bike.

Of course I park near the “seniors only” spot aka “the front door” which was empty. I guess you can’t really park there.??. People use this entrance to get in and out.??. So, I am parked beside this real cute little car, a KIA Sole de Ole’ and I am looking this over and saying, hum, ”what A CUTE CAR”.

Then I hear some bottles clinking in a cart been wheeled over to the cute little car. I hear lunch. And the women behind the cart is like from” a Vogue magazine layout out:. All I can say is” I am blinded by the light”, she is just gorgeous. And what she wore was, a flowing piece of cloth wrapped in a smooth and gracious body and they were made for each other. Multilayer, polyester with cotton blended accents.

The pace maker has kicked in and guess what I am saying to her, “Hi, you all need a hand”.? No, thank you I can do this.!! But, it looks so heavy, are you sure.?? Yes, I am fine. Do, you mind if I watch you heave those boxes in the trunk. She must be a fitness instructor. So, what kind of bike do you ride.? No, bike just a car. (I wish I had a camera). Arms. Just a flying and zip in go the boxes, poetry in motion.

She is doing all the work and I am the one that is breathing hard. I think the pacemaker needs a tune-up or I gotta to control my breaths. I guess I can’t talk and breath at the same time. Hum???. Well, its not like I am an non athletic person, a slow rider.

This car is small until you open the back hatch door and it looks like a 23 foot semi trailer. And she swinging those boxes in like they were made of foam. 24 bottles per box. And her purse is the size of lap top. And she had 3 different brands. I ask, does this person have a identify issue or something.?

Well, they weren’t sure what they wanted so I just picked what was handy. I offer that she would be better off with a 28 bottles of Moosehead and that will cure what ails them.! Thank you she offers and I take her cart for my empties. She is just a light as a butterfly as she glides into her car, real nice to meet you.!! .

Thank goodness, I had the empties in the back of the truck because I just forgot “what the hell I was doing here”. Yes sir, a seniors moment and I enjoyed all of it. The Boy Scout almost rode again and I was willing to be ridden and to travel. Well, its not like it sounds, is it?.

Made my purchases and made it home and I was singing, “I am an old cowhand from the Rio Grande”.



I'm an old cowhand from the Rio Grande

But my legs ain't bowed and my cheeks ain't tan

I'm a cowboy who never saw a cow

Never roped a steer cause I don't know how

Sure ain't a fixin to start in now

Yippie yi yo kayah

Yippie yi yo kayah


What, no Moosehead, sheez?