Total Pageviews

Showing posts with label OMG this is unreal??. Show all posts
Showing posts with label OMG this is unreal??. Show all posts

Wednesday, February 27, 2013

Why don’t I write to paper anymore?


Bob is a long time acquaintance from our former glory days of youth. We have known and wizened ourselves from the school of Hard Knocks n Bumps, our diplomas of merit are near??. He looks like a professor of Diplomas etuis’ Emeritus quo sancta humanae and speaks as such..


My Friend Bob asked me one day why don’t I write to paper anymore. Bob, I, said, its like this, there is so much to write about that the local paper scarcely does its job as it is. For me to write them and criticize or inform them of the social injustices that be fall us would be over whelming. We both can articulate on anything from the idiots on council, the overpriced rec centre, the wasted treatment plant, to the mundane.


But, you can’t write about it as the newspaper and the city hall siesta together and indeed make strange bed fellows and that’s is all that I am going to say, unless asked for further opinions. The audacious squeaks that emit when THEY walk are not from their shoes.(in my humble opinion).


That’s why THEY have to censor most of the news that is local to us readers. THEY in fact don’t care about too much what happens in the community as long as its big news. For example the” exclusion of the Lord’s Pray at council meetings”, maybe. To me that should have had more coverage than it did.


You can blame the people that don’t care as long as THEIR right to know what is going on is expressed in a clear and transparent manner. What bullshit, the government of the day can’t do that and we the little people demand this of our city bureaucrats. Hey-now, social equality lives.!, so it does.

(their are numerous idiot’s on council, but one female in particular which is anti-creed),thought it was “exclusive” of certain peoples rights to say a opening prayer. Well, THESE people didn’t care one way or the other, THEY never mentioned it.

 Having nothing more intelligent to do with THEIR time, THEY decided to jump on the “spiritual” bandwagon and make a commotion.(two of a kind spells danger.)

I offer no apology towards this person because she is just doing her job and I am doing mine, madam, you are an idiot, the best I have ever seen. You are a “LULU”. Your justification for intelligence escapes me. Bullshit will baffle brains and common sense, when applied in a substantial portion of deceitfulness.


There was so much to do about this that even writing and asking to reconsider was considered as an act of defiance, I just want the prayer to be said as usual and THOSE whom are insulted can leave and return when it’s over. Hell, if you went to THOSE other spiritual places do you think THEY quit saying their prayers because you all were “exclusive” , hell no,!! either like it or get outta de mosque.

Well, you know the results, the idiots have caved in, to the other idiots all in the name of being political correct, bullshit again. And if you dare raise this subject, all the prime and proper, get pissed.


Folks, my mother-in-law, Summed this best “its all going to hell in a hand basket”. All the people that made this country what it is, must be turning in their graves, because of so called intelligent people. The reason you were elected to office is, a better chance of us , to “tar n feather” if you did a piss poor job.


Did I mention that I wasn’t from here.!!? This is why Bob, I don’t write to the paper.!!, THEY, can’t print this. This is too, exclusive.!! As I am only picking on one or two idiots, better I slander the whole council and make it worth my while, maybe fresh fodder for the newspaper.



Your friend in your debt, lets us pray,

May the idiots we entrusted power to, may they see the errors of their ways and when it comes to elect them again, I won’t . Amen.

And no, folks, I am not a red necked bigot, in case you were wondering, and I did mention that I wasn’t from here. And to close, if this has offended anyone, if any of you (aka THEY) resemble the said subjects of my rant, I am apologetic, the truth bites just as sure as a junkyard dog at midnight.

Good nite Bob,


Saturday, September 15, 2012

The Boy Scout at the Beer store.


Hi Joe;

Are you enjoying the wonderful weather we are having.? I sure am and as luck would have it I had to go the beer store for …..??. Luckily, I had empties other wise I would not buy what I should have. Women, would love the beer store, every thing is on sale and there are specials all the time. No coupons.!

You are not going to believe my luck to-day, the boy scout had an opportunity to help a damsel in the parking lot.., this is almost the same thing that happened at the Corner Tire store where a lady was trying to stuff her cute little car with a bike.

Of course I park near the “seniors only” spot aka “the front door” which was empty. I guess you can’t really park there.??. People use this entrance to get in and out.??. So, I am parked beside this real cute little car, a KIA Sole de Ole’ and I am looking this over and saying, hum, ”what A CUTE CAR”.

Then I hear some bottles clinking in a cart been wheeled over to the cute little car. I hear lunch. And the women behind the cart is like from” a Vogue magazine layout out:. All I can say is” I am blinded by the light”, she is just gorgeous. And what she wore was, a flowing piece of cloth wrapped in a smooth and gracious body and they were made for each other. Multilayer, polyester with cotton blended accents.

The pace maker has kicked in and guess what I am saying to her, “Hi, you all need a hand”.? No, thank you I can do this.!! But, it looks so heavy, are you sure.?? Yes, I am fine. Do, you mind if I watch you heave those boxes in the trunk. She must be a fitness instructor. So, what kind of bike do you ride.? No, bike just a car. (I wish I had a camera). Arms. Just a flying and zip in go the boxes, poetry in motion.

She is doing all the work and I am the one that is breathing hard. I think the pacemaker needs a tune-up or I gotta to control my breaths. I guess I can’t talk and breath at the same time. Hum???. Well, its not like I am an non athletic person, a slow rider.

This car is small until you open the back hatch door and it looks like a 23 foot semi trailer. And she swinging those boxes in like they were made of foam. 24 bottles per box. And her purse is the size of lap top. And she had 3 different brands. I ask, does this person have a identify issue or something.?

Well, they weren’t sure what they wanted so I just picked what was handy. I offer that she would be better off with a 28 bottles of Moosehead and that will cure what ails them.! Thank you she offers and I take her cart for my empties. She is just a light as a butterfly as she glides into her car, real nice to meet you.!! .

Thank goodness, I had the empties in the back of the truck because I just forgot “what the hell I was doing here”. Yes sir, a seniors moment and I enjoyed all of it. The Boy Scout almost rode again and I was willing to be ridden and to travel. Well, its not like it sounds, is it?.

Made my purchases and made it home and I was singing, “I am an old cowhand from the Rio Grande”.



I'm an old cowhand from the Rio Grande

But my legs ain't bowed and my cheeks ain't tan

I'm a cowboy who never saw a cow

Never roped a steer cause I don't know how

Sure ain't a fixin to start in now



Yippie yi yo kayah

Yippie yi yo kayah

What, no Moosehead, sheez?




Tuesday, September 6, 2011

HOSPITAL CHART BLOOPERS

HOSPITAL CHART BLOOPERS (Actual writings from hospital charts)



1 . The patient refused autopsy.

2. The patient has no previous history of suicides.

3. Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.

4. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.

5. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.

6. On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it disappeared.

7. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.

8 The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.

9. Discharge status: Alive but without permission.

10. Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year old male, mentally alert but forgetful.

11. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.

12. She is numb from her toes down.

13. While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.

14. The skin was moist and dry.

15. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.

16. Patient was alert and unresponsive.

17. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid. (OMG! that is some examination)

18. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce.

19. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.

20. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.

21. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.

22 The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.

23. Skin: somewhat pale but present.

24. The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.

25. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.