The Cabin Fever Rant n Rave.

The Cabin Fever Rant n Rave.

Dear Joe:

Today, I am getting some cabin fever. Not that the winter has been too long, it’s just I not getting into it this year. As you know my wife and I are raising our ten year old grandson and he is getting smarter by the day as I seem to be going in the opposite direction. The wife is not having this problem. Why is that?

Gravity is the answer. I am on the slippery slope and seem to be picking up speed. That is scary. Yes, I have turned a milestone year in my life according to the experts in the Family. I was always blessed with a lot of smart people in my life aka “know-it-alls”. So, you know you are automatically stupid as soon as they are in our house.

I usually call it our Home, but they quickly reduce this to a house and I want them out-ta my house. Furthermore as much as I try to love them, I don’t like them. Know, whom I am speaking about? The, pain-in-da-butts, but that is not nearly an accurate description.

Shit, they have an opinion about everything including my recent operation to “parts unknown” and they know all about it. How in the hell did you find all this out? I have not said a word other than it was a “mannish problem”. Well, if they got paid for all this knowledge and shared that with me, I would be well off and a free man.

Next, I don’t want all the advice, I rather learn on the run. And, assuming they never had, what I had, I don’t want to know what the worst case scenario might look like. That is scary enough knowing they know, what I don’t know, you know?

What’s, worst, they think I am the salt of the earth and they love me and profess this to me constantly. Wtf, am I doing wrong? I treat them nicely because I don’t to embarrass the Family and this makes me a saint. “They”, say Karma pay-back is a bitch. Seems, I need to examine my soul and find out where on the road I fell off.

Well, its ten o’clock somewhere, I need to have some red wine, which I keep hid behind the computer monitor, camouflaged  and I drink this from a 500 mL chili sauce jar ; will that will throw them off? Aka, why is poppa so happy?

So, what the hell was I talking about? Another sip of the golden nectar will surely make me recall. You have noticed that I have successfully rambled on about nothing and you have learned that growing older gracefully can’t happen to everyone.  Everybody is nutsy and you tell them that and they laugh. I, guess they know already.

Sorry, I better close off before this becomes well-worn. I have just aged to the 70 year plateau, which means goose egg to me, but everyone else is celebrating. I always thought they were nuts and this proves my case. Well, thanks for enduring this and you should be on your second 500 ml jar half-full of wine by now.

Thanks for fixing the snow blower, be sure to drop in soon and we can have some distilled mosquito bite to ward off the cold.

Yours humble-bull-lee,

 Bruce

A letter to Joe.

Dear Joe;


Hi and how are you this fine winters day?. Fresh frozen and ready for the oven, so I am I. If its any comfort most of us are in the same boat and its Ontario and it is winter. I don’t feel sorry for those in the South either, must be a bitch to try to keep cool.

You were asking how I did for Christmas and I thought it was pretty good considering I didn’t want anything to be bought for me. I want the money to be spent on the kids and the misses and any extra to go to the Kids Toy Fund or the food bank.

Well. Nobody listens around here and that’s the truth. And I thought we agreed that the kids would only get a few gifts and buy them clothes instead. Its boring but I rather do that then watch them smash up the toys and by days end they are going to recycled.

You know me, I keep my end of the bargain, but not so the Family. Since they heard of the plan everyone went outta their way to buy them gifts. Santa must of used a Hertz rental to get those gifts in here.

There was enough paper here to have the city come and do a special pickup and the rest of the hood as well. I, almost said no wait, I can do that and use the neighbors trailer. But the trailer was full so that plan was over and I had a plan B ,so its pack up the truck and just get it there.

I have been a Leafs fan all my life even before they were famous, I never bought a jersey to wear. I bought all the kids one and they were over $100 in 1978, then, a kids jersey. But, you know those jerseys were passed down to each of the Grandkids so I did ok there and now they have a supply for the next 5 years.

I got a surprise this year all those kids bought me a Leafs jersey, not one but two of them. Well, I almost cried when I opened the first one and when I opened the second, I became verkclempt, ferkclempt, whatever.(so discuss among yourselves the price of butter or how about those Leafs?).

Well, that made my day and every half an hour I switched from one to the other, and that only lasted for a short time. That’s a lot of work changing them on and off, what a silly bugger I am and I had to help out to get the dinner ready. And you already heard about us trying to assembly those darn hockey nets and GT snow racers.

The bottom line here is, when you are watching over dinner, sedating beers, trying to assemble parts and pieces with instructions from space, watch TV and look after the occasional kid that wonders into the den, its possible, doable, but why??.

The whole reason to the holidays is too enjoy yourself, this combination turns out to be work and soon its like any other day. The buzz you were working so hard to get and keep slowly begins to vanish. The noise of the crowd begins to wreck havoc on your sense of HA HA.

Its, not long until you get a headache, a real one and it radiates past your back and into your ass. Reasons, for that are simple to find. Amen on that. Then, you have a houseful of loved ones, half of which you don’t like and they don’t know it. And, if they did, they are ignoring that fact. Steely, bunch, relatives are. The, pain that keeps on giving. Now, that is called love.

I, can see why women beg to go out to a restaurant and have a Christmas meal and send everyone home from there. I am almost tempted to suggest that I would buy all the drinks. You can see I am very desperate. We can open the gifts later or better still I have the gifts in the car, please take them with you.

See you later Joe, there is a little beaver that wants to watch the Wiggles on the tube. So, how was your day?.