Just a short note to let you all know I am still in operation.A little older but still willing and able to cut the mustard when it appears. The Grandkids are still challenging my intellect and they are winning. Everday they prove to me I am not as smart as them.
So,what if I built regions of the internet and now could care less about an ipad or ipod or ipip etc,its not the same as a pencil and paper now is it. I love the spell checker,its a bonus when it works. I can manage to confuse that critter everyday,so whom is smarter,the man or the machine.?
So,I am smart,but with 4 people trying to prove you wrong,well its a game. However,that said,when the shithitsthefan,who can you call.?? Yes,its me,the old man,poppa,pops,gramps.grumpy,grandpus,old geezer,and hey you.!!.
Been there and done that and making it work is my motto, along with,get the hell outta the way and why don't you go to your mamma's place.!! or don't I hear your mamma calling,you,"oh,fuck-head dinner's ready".?.
*sorry,I forgot to put in a disclaimer that certain language may and will be used to only make certain its not mis-understood, understand?. Confusing,??,wait until you get here,all that doubt will be removed,trust me.!!.
Ok,so,if I made some sense,yahoo and ifin I didn't,I don't care, because judging by the look on your face,you are part of the problem and there is no solution for you other than to donate yourself to a museum.!!
Amen.
Showing posts with label payback by senior. Show all posts
Showing posts with label payback by senior. Show all posts
Sunday, May 18, 2014
Saturday, August 29, 2009
thank you for bouncing my check
Dear Sir:
I am writing to with which I endeavoured to
pay my plumber last month. By my calculations, three ‘nanoseconds’ must
have elapsed between his presenting the check and the arrival in my account
of the funds needed to honour it. I refer, of course, to the automatic
monthly deposit of my Social Security check, an arrangement which, I
admit, has been in place for only eight years.
You are to be commended for seizing that brief window of opportunity, and
also for debiting my account $30 by way of penalty for the inconvenience
caused to your bank.
My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this incident has caused
me to rethink my errant financial ways. I noticed that whereas I personally
attend to your telephone calls and letters, when I try to contact you, I am
confronted by the impersonal, overcharging, pre-recorded, faceless entity
which your bank has become.
From now on, I, like you, choose only to deal with a flesh-and-blood
person. My mortgage and loan payments will therefore and hereafter no
longer be automatic, but will arrive at your bank by check, addressed
personally and confidentially to an employee at your bank whom you must
nominate. Be aware that it is an offence under the Postal Act for any other
person to open such an envelope.
Please find attached an Application Contact Status which I require your
chosen employee to complete. I am sorry it runs to eight pages, but in
order that I know as much about him or her as your bank knows about me,
there is no alternative.
Please note that all copies of his or her medical history must be
countersigned by a Notary Public, and the mandatory details of his/her
financial situation (income, debts, assets and liabilities) must be
accompanied by documented proof.
In due course, I will issue your employee with a PIN number which he/she
must quote in dealings with me. I regret that it cannot be shorter than
28 digits but, again, I have modelled it on the number of button presses
required of me to access my account balance on your phone bank service. As
they say, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.
Let me level the playing field even further. When you call me, press
buttons as follows:
1– To make an appointment to see me.
2– To query a missing payment.
3– To transfer the call to my living room in case I am there.
4– To transfer the call to my bedroom in case I am sleeping.
5– To transfer the call to my toilet in case I am attending to nature.
6– To transfer the call to my mobile phone if I am not at home.
7– To leave a message on my computer (a password to access my computer is
required. A password will be communicated to you at a later date to the
Authorized Contact.)
8– To return to the main menu and to listen to options 1 through 7.
9– To make a general complaint or inquiry, the contact will then be put on
hold, pending the attention of my automated answering service.
While this may, on occasion, involve a lengthy wait uplifting music will
play for the duration of the call.
Regrettably, but again following your example, I must also levy an
establishment fee to cover the setting up of this new arrangement and may I
wish you a happy, if ever so slightly less prosperous, New Year.
I am writing to with which I endeavoured to
pay my plumber last month. By my calculations, three ‘nanoseconds’ must
have elapsed between his presenting the check and the arrival in my account
of the funds needed to honour it. I refer, of course, to the automatic
monthly deposit of my Social Security check, an arrangement which, I
admit, has been in place for only eight years.
You are to be commended for seizing that brief window of opportunity, and
also for debiting my account $30 by way of penalty for the inconvenience
caused to your bank.
My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this incident has caused
me to rethink my errant financial ways. I noticed that whereas I personally
attend to your telephone calls and letters, when I try to contact you, I am
confronted by the impersonal, overcharging, pre-recorded, faceless entity
which your bank has become.
From now on, I, like you, choose only to deal with a flesh-and-blood
person. My mortgage and loan payments will therefore and hereafter no
longer be automatic, but will arrive at your bank by check, addressed
personally and confidentially to an employee at your bank whom you must
nominate. Be aware that it is an offence under the Postal Act for any other
person to open such an envelope.
Please find attached an Application Contact Status which I require your
chosen employee to complete. I am sorry it runs to eight pages, but in
order that I know as much about him or her as your bank knows about me,
there is no alternative.
Please note that all copies of his or her medical history must be
countersigned by a Notary Public, and the mandatory details of his/her
financial situation (income, debts, assets and liabilities) must be
accompanied by documented proof.
In due course, I will issue your employee with a PIN number which he/she
must quote in dealings with me. I regret that it cannot be shorter than
28 digits but, again, I have modelled it on the number of button presses
required of me to access my account balance on your phone bank service. As
they say, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.
Let me level the playing field even further. When you call me, press
buttons as follows:
1– To make an appointment to see me.
2– To query a missing payment.
3– To transfer the call to my living room in case I am there.
4– To transfer the call to my bedroom in case I am sleeping.
5– To transfer the call to my toilet in case I am attending to nature.
6– To transfer the call to my mobile phone if I am not at home.
7– To leave a message on my computer (a password to access my computer is
required. A password will be communicated to you at a later date to the
Authorized Contact.)
8– To return to the main menu and to listen to options 1 through 7.
9– To make a general complaint or inquiry, the contact will then be put on
hold, pending the attention of my automated answering service.
While this may, on occasion, involve a lengthy wait uplifting music will
play for the duration of the call.
Regrettably, but again following your example, I must also levy an
establishment fee to cover the setting up of this new arrangement and may I
wish you a happy, if ever so slightly less prosperous, New Year.
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