The Cabin Fever Rant n Rave.

The Cabin Fever Rant n Rave.

Dear Joe:

Today, I am getting some cabin fever. Not that the winter has been too long, it’s just I not getting into it this year. As you know my wife and I are raising our ten year old grandson and he is getting smarter by the day as I seem to be going in the opposite direction. The wife is not having this problem. Why is that?

Gravity is the answer. I am on the slippery slope and seem to be picking up speed. That is scary. Yes, I have turned a milestone year in my life according to the experts in the Family. I was always blessed with a lot of smart people in my life aka “know-it-alls”. So, you know you are automatically stupid as soon as they are in our house.

I usually call it our Home, but they quickly reduce this to a house and I want them out-ta my house. Furthermore as much as I try to love them, I don’t like them. Know, whom I am speaking about? The, pain-in-da-butts, but that is not nearly an accurate description.

Shit, they have an opinion about everything including my recent operation to “parts unknown” and they know all about it. How in the hell did you find all this out? I have not said a word other than it was a “mannish problem”. Well, if they got paid for all this knowledge and shared that with me, I would be well off and a free man.

Next, I don’t want all the advice, I rather learn on the run. And, assuming they never had, what I had, I don’t want to know what the worst case scenario might look like. That is scary enough knowing they know, what I don’t know, you know?

What’s, worst, they think I am the salt of the earth and they love me and profess this to me constantly. Wtf, am I doing wrong? I treat them nicely because I don’t to embarrass the Family and this makes me a saint. “They”, say Karma pay-back is a bitch. Seems, I need to examine my soul and find out where on the road I fell off.

Well, its ten o’clock somewhere, I need to have some red wine, which I keep hid behind the computer monitor, camouflaged  and I drink this from a 500 mL chili sauce jar ; will that will throw them off? Aka, why is poppa so happy?

So, what the hell was I talking about? Another sip of the golden nectar will surely make me recall. You have noticed that I have successfully rambled on about nothing and you have learned that growing older gracefully can’t happen to everyone.  Everybody is nutsy and you tell them that and they laugh. I, guess they know already.

Sorry, I better close off before this becomes well-worn. I have just aged to the 70 year plateau, which means goose egg to me, but everyone else is celebrating. I always thought they were nuts and this proves my case. Well, thanks for enduring this and you should be on your second 500 ml jar half-full of wine by now.

Thanks for fixing the snow blower, be sure to drop in soon and we can have some distilled mosquito bite to ward off the cold.

Yours humble-bull-lee,

 Bruce

duh, Cavemen are all well #2

Dear Joe;


Just to let you know the Cavemen are all well since, “duh Leafs” had decided to go out early and start to work at greener pastures such as the garden centers and golf greens to pay back the ticket purchases we spent on their dismal performance this year. I, thought I saw a few in the Russian minor leagues.


Since, we have started this petition we have noticed other people want to do the same and its even reached the national news. We plan to keep it small and just be a nuisance, the club until they pay up or promise to give us seats for the next season. Fat chance, of that happening, but we are persistent and we will see what happens.


What’s the worst that could happen, we get a restraining order and we counter with a “are we bothering you order” and continue as usual. I, am sure they would rather pay up and be rid of us because you know those newspaper capitalist’s are just looking for some stuff to print.


We have offered up the names of certain players to the “Glo in the Dark,carpet bowling league” in case they are in need of caddies. I, don’t if that’s what they call them, but sure beats been called a ball n pin chaser. Whatever, we will have to come up with a name just for those sports.


Our team did not qualify this year, too “many young guys” and we could have made it, if we traded off a few of us, but that’s not the point. We worked and trained all winter to be who we are and be dammed if a under age rule is going to bust up the team.

Maybe we can play “slow pitch” and in this league, performance counts a little but it’s the fun of been part of a group that enjoys fair play and malted beverages, all in reason. Most of us will qualify and even get a “seniors discount” if there is enough of us.

I love baseball, “its bin, very, very, goud to me”. Later Joe, I hear the love of my life calling and it ain’t dinner time, so it must back to work time.



Did,someone say "carpet"?

 p.s. still watching Hockey, life is grand, we don’t care who wins, because they deserve it,then we can switch to Carpet Bowling League Finals aka "Clean Sweep".

Update on the Cavemen!!.

Dear Joe;

Just a quick update to let you know the Cavemen are all well and feeling much better. As you know, “duh Leafs” had decided to go out early and start to work at greener pastures such as the garden centers and golf greens to pay back the ticket purchases we spent on their dismal performance this year.

We decided at our “playoff” meeting to let the men wear whatever jersey they wanted and cheer for what ever team as long as we agreed to watch the same game. Its like a city hall meeting; motions suggested, finger motions on disagreements and a general discord on the whole meeting.

Should a dead lock occur: a innocent bystander would break the tie, more on this later.

The cave is slowly returning to its old routines, cleanup, purchase more snacks and certain beverages and on the weekends we allow a strong mixture of “juice” since most of us have the time off.

The wife keeps asking what the noise is about and the neighbors still go to bed early and we are thinking of putting up a flashing neon to announce “game time”, so all doubt is removed about what is going on.

We thought of holding a short meeting to agree on what game to watch. In order to make up our minds, the TV is on the “Tree house Channel” so the intent is, to make up our minds in a hurry or else you watch “the Wiggles” or something.

Don’t you just love democracy in action, even at the “cave level mentality”, you just can’t escape politics in your life any where. I wonder if you can make money been a political person??. That will require a factious study to find that out.?? (is that a word) ??

So, we have a new mascot in the house now, a kitten. She looks a “Tampa Bay Panther” well black and white anyway. One of the kids had a birthday and guess what he wanted, “a pet”. Picture enclosed.

The neighbors were offering all of their pets to us,…….hum, mighty nice of them. But, in the end a kitten was chosen. I think the tank full of exotic fish was a sure winner, at least you have a different snack each day, as in the movie” A Fish called Wanda”.

So, it will be interesting to see who ends up in the final, finals and then we can wager our monies to see who gets what. The winner if he wishes can buy a “jug” and then celebrate the winner, (of the jug) as the game and purpose of it will be forgotten. We are such simple stones, as the cavemen.

How we manage to keep the world on its feet, is feat in its self, never mind trying to balance all the changes that occur. Well, lets hope our kids will be able to make sense of it, we want to keep our shit simple. Amen

p.s. we sure hope that Ottawa stays in it. !!!!!
p.s. with the Senators gone......hum,a meeting to be called ,maybe during another game??.

See you later Joe,

Duh caveman.



"Oreo" aka O.C. (oreo cookie)



Watching a hockey game is the same to a man,as a Women watching Desperate Housewives.

Rumour; has it the

"Team"

is looking for any or all players that can

 look good in a certain uniform??

If they are able to skate and pass a puck,its a bonus.!!

My friend sent this to me to cheer me up,what a pal. ?? That's, what friends are for.!!
just when you thought you were down and up, a kind gesture.
Man, I am tooo lucky.

http://www.bergerbytes.ca/2012/03/starch-gone-from-leafs/

Yes, I know it’s a bold statement from a guy in a cave who only ventures out certain days to bring the beer, munchies and pepperettes essential for game watching. It’s a tough job but it can only be done by the caveman. This is my full time profession now.


And mind you it’s a long time to game time but there are chores to be done and things to get fixed, cleaned and stowed away. I know the wife and kids don’t understand the fuss but come game time all other activities cease to exist.


You have to put all your energy into the game and begin to cheer the home team even though they are down by 2 goals in the 1st period and its only been 10 minutes. That’s going to be a lot of hooting and hollering’ and cussing, clearly no place for decent folk.

And to keep order in the cave, only faithful people are invited that cheer the same team. The brother-in-law ain’t invited, even if he was the sole owner of the team in question.

During the intermission we regroup and diagram the next tactic, just like on survivor, we try and think out what the coach is thinking and you know he is way off when it comes to the game. His thoughts ain’t like ours, he must know something we don’t.

I, guess that’s my he gets paid the big bucks. So, as the game progress’s not so the cavemen. We seem to retreat back to guttural sounds and universal hand gestures just like other people at hockey games on TV, so are we replicating them or they copying us?.

As the game draws to a close, we are all washed-out, our emotions on a alcoholic high and if our team won or lost seems to be irrelevant now as they shuffle out the back door. The faithful mates pick them up and drag them home, with moans and groans of a game they can’t remember or care about until tomorrow.

Guess, what our team plays tomorrow.

Life is simple again and all is well, until my wife asks, “hey, what the hell do you jack ass’s do in that room of yours”?. The neighbors was asking about the funny noises.

I thought all them were in bed, after all it was after 8:00 o’clock??? And dark??. I guess someone opened the windows and doors, it was getting warm with all the gesticulating..

I, say if they asking questions, then they don’t support our team, and they don’t need to know and they should mind your own business and move along. Some things are best left alone especially, those ham-fisted cave people. Amen.

*this was written after a spirited game and as I was slipping into a malted beverage miasma as this thought occurred to me to write while I was still clairvoyant. Well, I did ??, so how did I do?

**our team got the shit beat outta them last night. Its was awful. It was so bad that the cave was the quietest its ever been and the consumption of beer was nil and those who drank theirs slowly it was like drinking donkey piss, it was that warm. Oh, yes a sad night. Amen,again.

***our team lost again to-night. We started to cheer for other team,no use crying in the beer any more.

Its clear as hell,our team is a practise team for other players to hone their skills.

You need to fire-up the whole team and start over, or is it fire the whole team and start over say with the Marlie's perhaps.. Amen.

So, from here on we have to choose Another team to cheer towards the cup and then follow hopefully a Canadian Team to bring the cup home.

if i have offended anyone with my rabble,please don't take it personally,I am miffed.