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The Boy Scout at the Beer store.

Hi Joe;

Are you enjoying the wonderful weather we are having.? I sure am and as luck would have it I had to go the beer store for …..??. Luckily, I had empties other wise I would not buy what I should have. Women, would love the beer store, every thing is on sale and there are specials all the time. No coupons.!

You are not going to believe my luck to-day, the boy scout had an opportunity to help a damsel in the parking lot.., this is almost the same thing that happened at the Corner Tire store where a lady was trying to stuff her cute little car with a bike.

Of course I park near the “seniors only” spot aka “the front door” which was empty. I guess you can’t really park there.??. People use this entrance to get in and out.??. So, I am parked beside this real cute little car, a KIA Sole de Ole’ and I am looking this over and saying, hum, ”what A CUTE CAR”.

Then I hear some bottles clinking in a cart been wheeled over to the cute little car. I hear lunch. And the women behind the cart is like from” a Vogue magazine layout out:. All I can say is” I am blinded by the light”, she is just gorgeous. And what she wore was, a flowing piece of cloth wrapped in a smooth and gracious body and they were made for each other. Multilayer, polyester with cotton blended accents.

The pace maker has kicked in and guess what I am saying to her, “Hi, you all need a hand”.? No, thank you I can do this.!! But, it looks so heavy, are you sure.?? Yes, I am fine. Do, you mind if I watch you heave those boxes in the trunk. She must be a fitness instructor. So, what kind of bike do you ride.? No, bike just a car. (I wish I had a camera). Arms. Just a flying and zip in go the boxes, poetry in motion.

She is doing all the work and I am the one that is breathing hard. I think the pacemaker needs a tune-up or I gotta to control my breaths. I guess I can’t talk and breath at the same time. Hum???. Well, its not like I am an non athletic person, a slow rider.

This car is small until you open the back hatch door and it looks like a 23 foot semi trailer. And she swinging those boxes in like they were made of foam. 24 bottles per box. And her purse is the size of lap top. And she had 3 different brands. I ask, does this person have a identify issue or something.?

Well, they weren’t sure what they wanted so I just picked what was handy. I offer that she would be better off with a 28 bottles of Moosehead and that will cure what ails them.! Thank you she offers and I take her cart for my empties. She is just a light as a butterfly as she glides into her car, real nice to meet you.!! .

Thank goodness, I had the empties in the back of the truck because I just forgot “what the hell I was doing here”. Yes sir, a seniors moment and I enjoyed all of it. The Boy Scout almost rode again and I was willing to be ridden and to travel. Well, its not like it sounds, is it?.

Made my purchases and made it home and I was singing, “I am an old cowhand from the Rio Grande”.



I'm an old cowhand from the Rio Grande

But my legs ain't bowed and my cheeks ain't tan

I'm a cowboy who never saw a cow

Never roped a steer cause I don't know how

Sure ain't a fixin to start in now

Yippie yi yo kayah

Yippie yi yo kayah


What, no Moosehead, sheez?



Who touched and moved my stuff??.

Hi Joe;

It sure is nice to have the kids in school again, I can relax and my heart beating slowly and in sync with the earths rhythms. Its time for a another tea, green and dark, unsweetened, sounds healthy, with a sugar laden donut on the side.??. what, you gotta have sugar.

What, I want to ask you about today was, did your misses ever move or get rid of some of your stuff that you weren’t using and that was collecting dust, (in her opinion),BUT had a purpose unknown to her, but very crucial to you.??

I can’t prove it here but, I think there is some movement of said stuff that I don’t see any more or remember if I even had it, but I decided I needed to see it for comforts sake. This next line is significant , I think I am losing it..??.

“Its not important to some people, but to me, its very essential that I know this (location on my stuff) or otherwise I am losing my grip on the present situation, I am in and for all I know, I maybe, where I don’t want to be, but I am and I am not from here.”

Reread the above statement, until you get what I am getting at, you all !..,if I need to explain it, then…is there any hope for us Cavemen, ever.??( ok a hint, you leave your shit in a certain spot and when you go looking for it, IT should still be there, unless it was …...??) I, generally put it back when I am finished.

i.e., The other day I was looking a catalogue (reference, beyond question) from the hardware store which is still current to me even though its 2 years old. The only thing that changes is the prices but, otherwise all the stuff is the same. My misses decides this has dust on it and its old and it needs to go to recycling.

I have no problem with that, other than its my stuff that is moving. She cleans her reading material in the same frequency as she changes her mind and I am not in that category. I like to slaver, (drool over) that book and look at every page until I know where everything is.!! This folks, is a sign of mental power in the prime of life, or in plain words, an old guy drooling in a corner over a hardware store catalogue.

The question has arisen as to whether I do talk to myself during these periods in cloud nine. And that will remain just that a question without an answer. Hint; do not bother me when I am speaking.!! lols?.

So, I ask her, “dear did you see my catalogue from Home hardware” ??, without missing a beat she answers , “its old and I will get you a another because I am going up there to-day to look at some bricks.!!” Thank you, dear, that’s fine. Bricks, I did hear bricks and I not going to ask .!!.

If she says she is going to look at bricks, then bricks it is. Notice, here folks, that at no time did she mention she, threw my / our old book away or admit any such thing, BUT, said she would get me a new one instead.

If this isn’t the most diplomatic way of saying, “so you got me”, I don’t know what is.!! The power of words , have always amazed me and that’s why you need to be a trial lawyer, to read between the lines.!!.

So, anyway its back to work, the break is over and I just heard that the truck won’t start and somebody has to go somewhere right now. Can you call a taxi or is that too easy.?? . I love working under pressure, if its not worth doing ,then why do it.?? This will be another story. Bye for now.

p.s., it needs a new battery and can’t complain, its been in the truck for over 10 years, now where is the Interstate Battery catalogue??.., hello, dear, have you seen…..??

*Pacemakers should be set to the High-Medium range and in Auto-pilot mode.!!

And a oxygen tank on stand-by.

Take off your glasses, they will fog up.!!



You look at your catalogue and I will look at mine. The hardware store is at the back.

There will be a time when you gotta quit staring, you all will get dizzy, just saying.
Did you by any chance notice the skipping rope in her hands?.
Well, I am outta breath watching her.!!

Anniversary wishes

Hi Joe;

Thank you for the anniversary wishes and its hard to believe we have been married this long and we still like each other. And what else is humorous that the wishes become fewer each year. Well, its not amusing because some of the well wishers have moved on to paradise, so you can’t expect a note from them.

But from all the other people that were there I guess they have forgotten the special moment in time. Our wedding day was the hottest and most humid day in the history of that city in that year. How can you forget that feeling with all your clothes stuck to you like glue and you are sweating in small rivulets from your head to our feet. That is aka “A HOT WET FEELING”, and you can think whatever you want.


After over 40 years of the same date been fêted you think everyone that cared for you would automatically send out greetings just like the other national days of celebration, but not so. People forget about it and just zone in on their lives which now include more celebrations of their own Families.

So, in a way when you have Family Reunions it’s a form of celebration and more likely to see who is here and you won’t be here next year, yes life the never ending cycle of new life and continual passing away.

And to respect those that are close to this plateau, if its of any comfort, we are going there in time. Yes, I know it’s a kick in the nuts, I didn’t say this was a sentimental journey did I.? , I apologize.

Anyway Joe, thank you again and I have to go ,I hear a call for help, its not serious?. The youngest boy is washing dishes and there is water coming down the stairs, so you can, IMAGINE WHATEVER YOU WANT, I GOTTA GO.!!. Did you know that water emerges anywhere.??.

P.S.; Our sons have not acknowledged our anniversity,  because they don’t know, what they don’t know.

P.S. 2: (actual e-mail sent to us)  please note the sensitivity. “Sorry, we missed your anniversary but since I wasn't there, I don't remember the date. and let me know when your anniversary is so maybe it will get remembered.” Is it Aug. 31st?.

 (that is a real good one).!wtf ,eh, ??,. Fair enough, that makes sense, you don't know, what you don't know, so all we can say is "you all is forgetfull". I need to pause as a moment as I am choked up with emotions I never knew I had before. I am verclemkept , please discuss among yourselves..

 

And since you did ask,I still ain't telling you.!!!



So ??



No Cat in the Hat for Poppa.

Dear Joe;

How are to-day ?, and is it warm here too. I am going to tell you something although it is amusing ,also its not. A car has hit a pole at the corner of our street and the only thing that was damaged in our block was the main cable TV line, knocked off the pole.

So, that means no Cat in the Hat for me to watch, a moment of silence to reflect on the impact that this has caused. And of course my internet and phone are off as well, so much for a bundle deal, they get all my money and I lose all my services. HUM, maybe sticking with Bell was a good idea after all. Hum, have to think about that one.

Oh, and try phoning those peoples for service is something that pisses me off as well. You get a answering machine that acknowledges there is trouble in the hood and they are working on it. I have to phone from a pay phone 4 blocks from my home to report I have no signal.???? And it’s a Bell phone. So, I didn’t bother to phone, there are other people that are reporters, that do this job very well. UFO’s, not this week.!!

No, folks I don’t have a cell phone either, so I am a dinosaur and besides the cable company already knew there was a problem because the infrastructure of the plant, it sent an alarm back and they knew before I did. Cell phone, had one implanted in me for 20 yrs, no thanks.

And from my front window, there is nobody on the street doing nothing. The lying bastards. All the cables are on the ground and NOT in harms way, but also NOT working. And mommy is pissed.??? Did I mention it is a Saturday at 6 o’clock in the evening by any chance??.

So, I have finished making burnt offerings on the Q and I have consumed 750 mls of mighty fine wine in the process of making dinner on the Q, which is very hot to-day because it is over 30 degrees C air temp + the Q heat, it’s a Blacksmiths dream.

Now, on top all this the cable goes off due to unknown circumstances like a truck/car hitting the pole, suddenly becomes my problem. Hello, I ain’t the Mayor of the Block and I don’t care that your cable is off. My only problem is keeping the wine flowing and burning the offerings, aka dinner.

So, in a word or two, folks, screw Off and get a Life, please go and support the Salmon Fest at the bay. There is plenty of people that may want to listen to you for moment and them they will tell you to, Piss Off as well. Now, that what I call “relative humidity”.

No sooner than I have finished this rant, guess what the cable boys show up and I was able to assist them in their endeavors in getting the signal on until the Ontario hydro showed up and I was relieved of my duties. And the signal is back on now and life is back to normal. Sigh, a bit of excitement in my life.

So, are you going to go fishing this week.??, I ain’t busy, so if you need a “buoy there” for company.?.



See you alls later,



What red light??



A story about a piss poor restaurant.!!!

So, to-day it’s a story about a piss poor restaurant that we happened to pick and tried to eat there. To be fair I am sure that they do serve a good meal here.(when?). I, am sure there are other good restaurants in the area, but we choose this one because it was recommended and we feel the person was telling us a firkin’ fib. We will make sure he gets to read the blog for sure.


Did you ever go a place to eat and the food was so yucky that even a doggie bag with two gold stars on it, won’t elevate it to a stature fit for your dog.?? Only a real s-muck would try and feed this to his best friend and it’s a small wonder that you get bit in the ass when you aren’t looking.!!. Doggie Bag,??, leave the stuff there. Your dog deserves better than that, but of course you will reheat and eat IT.??, wtf ??.

I am sending this to the place in town and a copy to head office and then on this blog. It won’t do anything but I will feel better about it.?? Revenge of the Rationally Dis-a-d-d-vanced or something.

Dear Sir;

We had the misfortune to have visited your restaurant during the mid week. I am complaining about the food, that was a problem. And, we had to ask for condiments for our orders. You would think that it would come automatically when setting a table.?? Along with the fork-ink’ knifes.

We had two orders of your supposed fish and chips and in different sizes and both were under cooked. “Lightly battered?’ That was pancake mix into which they were dipped . Which probably explains the uncooked batter inside. Beer batter, not on your life..!! , in your dreams maybe.

It didn’t seem busy to us and yet our food gave us the impression that it was cooked in a “hurry” and was ill prepared. We mentioned this fact to the girl and we were given an explanation and she made an attempt to get this corrected.??. what are you doing to do, refry it.??, should have left. But, no, we eat the fish and left the batter on the plate.!! so we were hungry, yes, I know why complain, if you are eating a poor meal.??

If we are asking about the preparation of the food and are not happy about it, you would think it would get corrected.??, not really, we should have picked up and left and just paid for the drinks. The fact is we travel around a lot and every place we have visited had good food, not so yours.

Maybe you should have “a chefs surprise day”, but you take your chances and if you finish your meal, by chance, the drinks are free.!!. But, first you must announce you want the special of the day and you don’t care what comes up. “rules”. Sorry, I do digress.

This was mentioned so, we decided not to tip the girl for full 15% of the total bill. It was inexcusable. And,. When she asked how was it,?, we relied “never seen anything like this before”.!!, really, really.!!,

Anyway, I don’t expect you will do Anything, to compensate us for the dreadful meal or do I want to come back, I rather go the Harvey’s, or A and W, where at least the food is prepared in the same fashion every time and it’s consistent and warm. Atmosphere, taking in account as well.

Do you know that, “McDonalds” on this day would have been better, than what we had at your place. “Ronald McDonalds” .!!! Why is it you can’t get a decent meal from you people??. What you say or do will not alter the fact, your place does NOT, give “consistent good food service”.

How the hell you stay in business is beyond me. On a scale out of, 10, you rate a 4.0., You are rated as #23 out of 62 restaurants in our town.. and you are a major chain with weak links.

The small downtown eatery is even ranked higher than you.!! And that place has authentic atmosphere and it’s a mom and pops place and the food is delectable. The following, hints will tell you which place I am referring to. Starts with a K and ends with an S.

Whatz dat dare??? Chef's Surprise.!!!

The Boy Scout Rides Again, the stupid macaroon.!!

Hi Joe:

Well, we are fine and our kitten is now fixed so we won’t have to worry about more kittens. There are a few people that I have met, that the same thing should have happened to their parents. I know its nasty but you wonder wtf sometimes.

I gotta tell you this story about my supposed friend. Well, since this has happened I don’t think he is a friend, but, he is somebody I know. I asked if I could lend a hand helping him move some stuff into his new home and they said ok. Boy Scout rides again to another flaming adventure. What a macaroon.!!

I was planning to use my truck to help but it turns out there is 4 of us in a car and a trailer to move stuff. I was thinking this is going to be easy and I can be home early and do some stuff around the house. Well, it started that way and then the wheels came off the whole dam train. Somehow, We ended up moving 3 sets of appliances, fridge and stove from 3 locations??. As well or instead, I haven’t figured that one out yet.

So, let me tell you how this went. And for added suspense, the doors had to taken off the fridges because they were large or the door openings were too small and then reassembled again at the new locations. And in one case the house door was removed.

And from what I remember not much was really moved in the first place or maybe. * now pay close attention if you lose your “place” you will have to start over. And maybe you should reread, to grasp this moment, I didn’t believe it when I read it and I was there in person.!! It’s a true story, really, really.

* Having said that,I will remind you that this story has been embellished for dramatic's for your enjoyment.
You don't really think that could happen to a person, even he is a Boy Scout do you.??

Ready.?? Place #1, is the where all the stuff is leaving from, to go to place #2, the new place.

Place #3, is the place where the appliances went to from place # 2 and the appliances from place #3, went to place #1 and the appliances from place #1 went to place #2. And there is a place #4, keep reading.

And when the appliances from place #3 made it back to place #1, They came from place #4, to go to place #3 because we were getting new appliances and place #3, needed some because they just moved in some time ago and it was decided our stuff was better than what was there.. So, Did you get all that.??

Wait, wait, there was stuff moved, only I was not paying much attention and all I know is I was there until about 5 o’clock in the evening and all I had was 2 bottles of water. WTF you say??, yes this is what happened. I might have had a few candies.???, I don’t remember, it was a zen flash.

And when its all moved, then they said well lets eat and there wasn’t a thing started for supper and they were still thinking of what to have. 3 women were there most of the day, (place #2) and they were rearranging all that we had placed there in the first place. What, more places.??

So, if you are a smoker, you don’t get real hungry. But, if are a mean moving machine, I get real hungry. Bullshit to this, I am sorry I hear my mom calling and she says my supper is ready.!! And they still wanted me to stay and eat and I said no, I really have to go home.

And it was a warm day and I was wearing the coveralls made in 99% polyester and they were hot and I was steaming. At least somebody could had enough foresight to have some beverages and pizzas for us. Like a frosty, ice-cold, perspiring, freezing, beer for shits sake. With a thick rising crust with a cheesy surprise and double tinged basil sauces, portabella mushrooms ,red n green peppers, olives, bacon bits, is that too much to ask for???. NO.!!

So, when you get back home and think about all this will a cold one in your hand, all these random thoughts from the day coming crashing into my head and I say, hey there is a story here. Quick scribble it down. And of course I am shaking my head in wonder, WTF, where are some peoples heads.

So, you ask if I can help you move sometime, don’t be surprised if I say” no”, I am helping my mother with something, sorry.!!. all day and I am staying for supper and I am doing the dishes and then we are going to knit some socks.

See you, Joe.